The guy Merrill Lynch assigned to manage my IRA is one year younger than me. PGP.

Prioritizing solicitation calls based on attractiveness of a company’s rep. PGP.

Moses having a 40-year dry streak. PGP.

I’m still not sure if I have to work Friday or not. PGP.

Seeing something NSFW online and immediately going to your phone to look at it. PGP.

Dreading returning your rental car because it’s that much nicer than your own. PGP.

Wells Fargo calling you at work about a suspicious charge for Adult Friend Finder. PGP.

“You are a sad, strange, little man.” PGP.

Acquiring a large collection of allen wrenches because of all the Target and IKEA furniture you own. PGP.

Garfield comics hitting a little too close to home. PGP.

Those entry level marketing jobs that are clearly pyramid schemes are looking and better and better. PGP.

I still fucking hate Steve. PGP.

Not working in retail but still having to work Wednesday and Friday. PGP.

I quoted “Varsity Blues” in a meeting. No one had any idea what the fuck I was talking about. PGP.

Got a side stitch during sex this past weekend. I was on bottom. PGP.

I still hate it here. PGP.

My horrendous time management skills are only rivaled by Andy Reid. PGP.

It’s “mandatory overtime without pay” season. PGP.

Managed to lock myself out of the house this morning. In the pouring rain. Happy Monday to me. PGP.

“If you gave a fuck about your job as much as you do football…” -My Boss. PGP.