Seriously, fuck Steve. PGP.

I need to lose weight because I got fat. I can’t afford to lose weight because my suits won’t fit. PGP

1: “How’d you meet your wife?” 2: “Tinder.” PGP.

I only check my 401k to remind myself that I actually have assets somewhere in this world. PGP.

I’m seeing how long I can go without shaving before management says something because I can’t afford new razor blades until payday. PGP

My desk chair was taken away to use in a meeting. I had to stand all morning. I have a broken foot. PGP.

My boss just used the phrase “in that aspect” twice in the same sentence. PGP.

Got caught Tindering during a meeting. I then had to explain to several of my managers what Tinder was. I can’t tell if they are disgusted or sorry for me. PGP.

Using the fear of Ebola as an excuse for not going to the gym. PGP.

Got in trouble for setting my chat status to “Checked out.” PGP.

The president of my company admitted that I was underpaid, and then proceeded to not give me a raise. PGP.

Thursdays are like getting blue balled by the weekend. PGP.