I didn’t drink this weekend, by choice. PGP.

I’m a Jets fan. It only adds to the torture of Mondays. PGP.

Understanding why Frank Ricard was excited for his big weekend trip to Home Depot and why he didn’t know if there would be enough time for Bed Bath & Beyond. PGP.

I was two hours late to work today, and nobody noticed. I’m not sure if I feel relieved or nervous. PGP.

“Just make it happen.” PGP.

You would think getting a raise would mean I could quit my second job. PGP.

Dropped 20 pounds in the last year. Planned a shirtless costume to get babes. It’s 45 degrees right now and supposed to get colder tonight. PGP.

Should I even pretend to try today? PGP.

I don’t know what’s more concerning, that I’m the only one in my office not dressed up for Halloween or that my boss is wearing the most complex Hellraiser costume I’ve ever seen. PGP.

My girlfriend gained too much weight this year to pull off a slutty Halloween costume. PGP.

My coworker just looked at me and announced that he’s going to do his best to speak only in song today. PGP.

The highlight of my day is cleaning my keyboard with compressed air. PGP