The best part of my week was stealing a chair from the conference room. PGP.

I recently added Anheuser-Busch to my stock portfolio. Now my unbridled drinking habit is an investment. PGP.

I am one conference call away from a Romo-like meltdown. PGP.

Bookmarking PGP under “workstuff.” PGP.

“Thank you for submitting your application to this position. Please do not respond to this email, as this account is not monitored.” PGP.

I just found a $0.50 cent off two or more Lean Cuisines coupon, so I guess you could say 2015 is off to a great start. PGP.

I got transferred 15 times in one call. PGP.

Still getting rejected after being flown-in for the final interview. PGP.

I would happily stay until 7 p.m. if I was allowed to come in at 10 a.m. PGP.

Kelly Kapowski is turning 41 today. PGP.

Chased my workout last night with a McDonald’s dollar menu extravaganza. PGP.

Now I get why people buy lottery tickets. PGP.

Using your office’s supply catalog to furnish your apartment for free. PGP.

Seeing the “now hiring managers” sign at the drive-thru, and actually thinking about it. PGP.

Work. Reddit. Gchat. Repeat. PGP.

Some guy I don’t know just endorsed me for a skill I don’t have. PGP.

My boss’s 16-year-old kid drives a nicer car than I do. PGP.

The closest thing I have to a man cave is the handicapped stall in the secret office bathroom. PGP.

My financial adviser described my drinking habit as “financially irresponsible.” PGP.

I have drunkenly bummed hundreds of cigs in the last year. PGP.