I honestly had no idea that the company holiday party took place last weekend. PGP.

I’m so tired of sucking in my gut to keep people from knowing I’m gaining weight. PGP.

Regifting the $25 giftcard I got from my office for my birthday at the office Dirty Santa party. PGP

Washed down my Zantac with a margarita.

That coworker who can’t stop talking about where their children attend high school and college. PGP.

Debating the professional consequences of not attend the office holiday party

Actually falling asleep during sex. PGP

Used an old $20 at the grocery store. The cashier called someone over to look at it because she thought it was fake. PGP.

Accidentally put “Need More Junior Anal” instead of “Need More Junior Analysts” in an email subject line. PGP.

The only items in my fridge are condiments and beer.

The annual “What’s your address? We’re sending out Christmas cards.” texts from your friends who got married during the year. PGP.

YouTube has taught me more about my job than any amount of training ever has. PGP.