My credit score going up 20 points was the most exciting moment of my week.

Having Alexa set recurring 14-minute reminders to touch the keyboard to keep an ‘Active’ status in Skype Business while working from home.

The three-day week of Thanksgiving introducing more stress in your life than your average five-day work week.

Moving your booze from the top of the fridge to an expensive cart so it instantly becomes decorative.

Received a rejection email for a job I never applied for.

Keeping your facial hair after No Shave November because it conceals your growing double chin.

Jeff Sessions submitting his resignation at his boss’s “request.”

Ending nearly half of all office communicator conversations with “and next time you can probably just Google this.”

When you walk up to a table to meet your friends and hear “speak of the devil.”

Nobody saw me leave for lunch; looks like I just bought myself 15 extra minutes.

Convincing yourself that your 401(k)’s dismal October performance is just a Halloween prank.

I get more LinkedIn notifications than Bumble.