I actually would like to lose 10 pounds. PGP.

This morning on my way to work I got genuinely excited when I made it through an intersection in 1 light instead of the usual 4. PGP.

My boss got hipster glasses.

I don’t have AC. PGP.

There’s a special place in hell for the coworker who doesn’t take the time to refill the Keurig water reservoir. PGP.

Today, I was chatting with Sonia from IT about my IT ticket. Sonia noticed that I changed some setting on my computer, so she sent an email about it to my director, my managing director, and the head of IT. And she didn’t fucking mention it in our Skype chat. PGP.

Literally told a kid to get off my lawn today. PGP.

The clip on my ID badge broke.

Realizing your boss is straight out of Office Space. PGP.

Just got my girlfriend pregnant. PGP.

My female roommate asked me why I’m shedding more hair in the shower than her. PGP.

Gluten free bread was served at the luncheon. PGP.