Title only promotions.

Every morning, my coworker tells me how good/bad she slept the night before.

The liquor store I frequent just tagged me in an Instagram post regarding their new delivery.

Pretending to be busy to get out of actually being busy.

The only people who look at my LinkedIn profile are recruiters in India.

Shaun White is 31 and took the gold. I’m 36, living with my parents, and currently under review for “gross incompetence” by my boss.

Being in the closet about still playing video games.

Making sure your LinkedIn profile is on private mode before you start stalking a potential bumble date.

Not sure if I’m hungover or just out of shape.

Get to work. Get coffee. Start working. Forget about coffee. Remember coffee. It’s cold.

The subtle fist pump after opening the stall door and seeing a freshly cleaned toilet.

Walking quickly through the office to appear busy.