Took six flights of stairs to avoid talking with a coworker in the garage elevator.

“Our team is like the Navy SEALs of the company.”

Never using my standup desk so people can’t see I’m not working.

My favorite work bathroom is under construction.

My job forces me to use Internet Explorer.

Non-C Level douches who write their LinkedIn profiles in the third person.

The inaudible sigh you give when your work phone rings.

Reddit. News. ESPN. Reddit. News. ESPN. Reddit. News. ESPN.

Shamelessly watching The Masters at work because I can’t get promoted and won’t get fired.

Having a job is cool because you get paid to be hungover.

I’ve started greeting clients and partners with “How the hell are ya?” when I see them. I’m 24.

Trying to figure out how to hide my job interview clothes from my boss.