Netflix autopay just overdrafted my checking account. PGP.

Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V. PGP.

All my friends are assholes, but I have no idea where you find new ones. PGP.

Yesterday was my boss’s birthday and we ate at a Brazilian steakhouse on the company card. Today was my birthday and I ate a Wendy’s baconator alone in my car. PGP.

A coworker asked if I have any kids. I said, “Man, I hope not.” They did not find it amusing. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me Goose.” PGP.

My life is now just looking forward to the next time I get drunk and hate myself for it. PGP.

“Sort by price: low – high”

I’m pretty bored. Guess I’ll go try pooping. PGP.

Getting a text from a friend asking, “What are you doing this this weekend?” at 11am on a Tuesday. PGP.