Left my number on a receipt for the waitress at Applebee’s. Biggest rush I’ve gotten all month. PGP.

Got my first raise last week. Found out today it was just enough to put me in the next tax bracket and now I’m effectively making less money. PGP.

Office was broken into over the weekend. They raided the fridge and stabbed the Coke machine with a butcher knife. PGP.

Had a chorizo breakfast burrito and large coffee this morning. Bathroom was out of toilet paper. PGP.

I sharted in the shower this morning. My body is officially falling apart. PGP.

I was just approached to be on the show “Married at First Sight.” PGP.

My colleague told me that I can do better than my current company and to “dream big.” PGP.

Went down a floor in my office building to throw up this morning so my co-workers don’t think I’m a degenerate. PGP.

Missed my connecting flight and had to sleep in the Detroit Airport. PGP.

Office manager printed out a list of everyone’s birthdays. I’m not on it but the girl hired 6 months after me is. PGP.