The printer at work was making a painfully high pitched noise, and I was the only one young enough to hear it. PGP.

Too poor for a girlfriend or a pet. Not busy at all. PGP.

I have literally zero control over how much I drink whenever I go out. PGP.

Cashier asked me if I was buying 10 cans of soup for a food drive. I wasn’t. PGP.

Was just endorsed on LinkedIn for customer satisfaction by the girl I’ve been hooking up with. PGP.

Hot streak of five Tinder matches this week. All spam. PGP.

Sitting in your cubicle, questioning why you didn’t get piss ass drunk on more random Tuesdays in college. PGP.

Most exciting moment in the office today was someone announcing that their four-year-old didn’t have whooping cough. I cheered, too. PGP.

Accidentally dialing 9 before making a call on your cell phone. PGP.

Never making it past a first date. PGP.