I’m legitimately worried I won’t be able to afford a new gameday polo for this season. PGP.

Thinking about getting back into video games. PGP.

Tomorrow’s my day off. Gotta do yard work around the house. PGP.

The “Where’s mine?” comment from the receptionist when you walk back in from picking up lunch. PGP.

Thought about getting a girlfriend so people at work will respect me more, then realized I couldn’t afford one. PGP.

Wearing athletic shorts while eating an entire pizza. PGP.

When your app crashes, it’s God’s way of saying “You’ve been pooping long enough.” PGP.

I watched old ’90s porn last night. The set had nicer furniture than my office does. PGP.

A coworker asked if I have any kids. I said, “Man, I hope not.” They did not find it amusing. PGP.

The Tesla Model III sounds awesome and everything, but I doubt I’ll have $35,000 by 2017. PGP.