Swiping right on what is an obvious Tinder bot just so you can have at least one match this week. PGP.

I have to hold the world record for consecutively hitting exactly $20.00 at the pump. PGP.

Got four fortune cookies with my order, because apparently I ordered enough food to feed a family of four. PGP.

The first place I wore my fitbit was a Waffle House. PGP.

I drink less than I did in high school. PGP.

Got a flu shot because the company paid me $20 for it. PGP.

Really feeling this LL Bean catalog. I thought they just made book bags. PGP.

Making the wardrobe transformation from “business professional” to “homeless person” as soon as you get home. PGP.

Watching all these Ice Bucket Challenges make me glad I don’t have that many friends anymore. PGP.

Being happy starters don’t play after the first half in the preseason so I can get to bed early. PGP.