My life goal is to be so successful that it hurts my ex girlfriends feelings. PGP

Finally got laid by using eharmonys free trial weekend. PGP.

Everyone in my office assumes they’re invited to my wedding. PGP

I still have “Relevant Courses” listed on my resume. PGP.

The “Can I get your John Hancock on this?” for paperwork requiring a signature. PGP

Tried to impress a girl at the gym…threw my back out