Simultaneously saying and then not responding to “how’s it going”

My work husband just put in his two week notice. Is this what divorce feels like?

I haven’t left a happy hour actually feeling happy in days.

Delaying going to the bathroom because you have to pass through the break room and don’t want your coworkers to notice how long you take. PGP.

My office wife is also my actual wife. PGP

That death glare from the 5th floor receptionist because she’s starting to realize I only come there to use the cleaner, less crowded bathrooms. PGP.

The sound of typing will be the end of me today.

I broke down and cried tears of joy when my parents offered to pay for new brake pads.

Spent my last fifteen minutes at work in the bathroom playing Tinder. PGP

My friends and I just bet on who had the highest credit score. I lost. PGP.