Too busy for a boyfriend. Too poor for a pet. PGP.

Putting more effort and creativity into PGP submissions than my actual work. PGP.

I have literally zero control over how much I drink whenever I go out. PGP.

Negative net worth. PGP.

Just gave my two weeks during my annual performance review. DOBBY IS A FREE ELF. PGP.

LinkedIn notifications at least tripling all other social media notifications combined. PGP.

Whoops, got drunk on a Tuesday. PGP.

Hit it off with a woman at the bar. She gave me her business card. PGP.

Just got a call from State Farm letting me know my car insurance is going down $20 in January. Did a fistpump at my desk. PGP.

I can’t remember the last time I spent a Friday night somewhere other than my couch. PGP.