How does one get into white collar crime? PGP.

The overly aggressive automatic flusher just sprayed shit all over my clothes. PGP.

Really wishing I could ctrl+z in real life situations. PGP.

My best friend has a smoking hot fiancée and bought a house. I find myself resenting him. PGP.

Five seconds of happiness before realizing your quarterly bonus is going entirely towards credit card debt. PGP.

“In 150 characters or fewer, tell us what makes you unique.” PGP.

Looking for the cheapest thing on the registry. PGP.

Having to ask the pharmacist if it’s okay to drink on your new medication. PGP.

I don’t know how long basic produce stays good for. PGP.

Yesterday was my boss’s birthday and we ate at a Brazilian steakhouse on the company card. Today was my birthday and I ate a Wendy’s baconator alone in my car. PGP.