Everything in my cube shakes when my coworkers walk by. PGP.

These Cyber Monday deals aren’t that good. PGP.

Bought myself a new sheet set on Black Friday. PGP.

Immediately going into “saving for a wedding” mode upon receiving a “What is your address?” text. PGP.

One of these days, I’m going to scream “Shut the fuck up” out loud instead of in my head. PGP.

Really bonding with Bill Simmons over having shitty coworkers. PGP.

I relate more to “Seinfeld” than any other show on television. PGP.

The thought of sleeping in tomorrow is making me giddy. PGP.

Some girl at homecoming was trying to guess my age and said 35. I’m 27. PGP.

Hit it off with a woman at the bar. She gave me her business card. PGP.