I was so excited about getting this job. Now I’m only excited for lunch. PGP.

There’s someone in the stall next to me and neither of us is making a sound. I think we both came in here for the peace and quiet. PGP.

So. Many. Weddings. PGP.

I can’t believe I was the best candidate for the job. I’m a dipshit employee. PGP.

I don’t remember the last time my bank account hit 5 digits. PGP.

If Monday had a face, I would punch it repeatedly. PGP.

90% of the emails I send start with “Sorry for the delay.” PGP.

Leaving your work laptop on your dining room table, but hiding your personal one, that way if somebody breaks in you have a decoy laptop. PGP.

Pooping in peace should be a basic human right. PGP.

That blissful couple of hours on payday when you have 4 digits in your checking account, before all the bills and rent come out. PGP.