I didn’t make a single call all last week and no one even said anything. PGP.

Not adding anyone as a friend on the Fitbit app because I don’t want my friends to see how big of a lazy piece of shit I am. PGP.

I have been asked by every single one of my middle-aged female coworkers if I know Farmer Chris just because I’m from Iowa. PGP.

Finally got moved to a cube by the window and a bird dropped a six inch streak of shit right in the middle of it. The window washers come once a year. PGP.

My new year’s resolution Is to eat with real dishes instead of plastic tubs. PGP.

“It’s Not Unusual” is faintly playing in my office. My mix of curiosity and wanting to do the Carlton dance is at an all time high. PGP.

99% of my work is done in 5 minute bursts. PGP.

I brought in a box of donuts this morning and watched three people’s New Year’s resolutions crumble to pieces. PGPM.