If one more person tells me “Happy Fiscal New Year,” boy, I am just going to lose it. PGP.

Living life one quarter at a time. PGP.

Feeling productive after clearing everyone’s story on Snapchat. PGP.

The one week on, one month off workout routine. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me Goose.” PGP.

The only text you get all day is from your FitBit telling you you’ve done zero minutes of physical activity today. PGP.

I bought a 12-pack of Natural Light last night, just to feel young again. PGP.

If Sallie Mae was a real person, I’d hunt her down and punch her in the fucking face. PGP.

My only Tinder match in the past week ended up blocking me. I didn’t even say hi. PGP.