It used to be “No new friends” because I didn’t want any. Now it’s “no new friends” because I can’t make any. PGP.

This is my cube. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My cube is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My cube, without me, is useless. Without my cube, I am useless. PGP.

My friends are getting engaged and buying homes. I still sleep in an extra-long twin bed. PGP.

Only keeping Facebook to use Tinder. PGP.

I’ve got a case of the Tuesdays. PGP.

Frantically turning the volume down when what you thought was just an ESPN article turns out to be a video. PGP.

Pushing the definition of “entertaining clients” to the limit on your company card. PGP.

The stare down between you and a coworker over who will answer a call first. PGP.

Not announcing yourself when you join a conference call, and sheepishly stating your name when asked, “Who just joined?” PGP.

Conversations with mom used to be short because I didn’t want her to know the extent of my partying. Now I just have nothing going on. PGP.