I sound so much nicer in my office voicemail than I actually am in real life. PGP.

Since becoming a dad, I’ve become so out of touch with fashion I don’t think Johnny D’s clothes look that bad. PGP.

I thought Sausage Party was too over the top. PGP.

Does anyone actually use the “low importance” option in outlook? PGP.

Triple checking your alarm. PGP.

Need to find a drug guy. Coffee is just not getting it done anymore. PGP.

Fantasy football scouting has officially taken over my lunch break. PGP.

People thinking you’re not a hard worker because you can get done with your work in 1/3 of the time. PGP.