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At any given time, my Instagram DMs are a mix of fajita talk, questions about women (why?) or Touching Base and Dudes Doing Business, but more than anything, Miata talk dominates all. Standard stuff that’s probably very similar to what most professional athletes receive on a daily basis.
Last week, however, I received a message from a dude who has skyrocketed to the top of the Touching Base listener power rankings. He shall remain anonymous for now, because I think he has a girlfriend and the last thing he needs is a bunch of babes swarming him every time he leaves the office.
Get a load of this guy:
Miata Purchase: Dave, big fan of the Touching Base podcast. Had a lady wreck into my car badly so it was the in the shop for a while. The next day listening to the podcast I thought it would be hilarious to buy a Miata. Bought a 1990 Miata off Craiglist and it has been life changing. The Miata isn’t a car, it’s a lifestyle. I work at a major institutional bank in Trading and park it beside my coworker’s Bentley. Mad props on the recommendation, best impulse buy I’ve made. Keep up the podcasts.
“No way,” I thought. Sure, our listeners are loyal, but there’s just no way someone would pull the trigger on a vehicle. Then this photo came through:
What a beauty. Cherry red, retractable roof, and headlights that appear only when needed. I thought surely this was some elaborate prank. I know we have a ton of C-level execs that listen to our show, but the person pushing this bad boy up and down the streets has to be a stone cold deal-cutter. If you’re going to hit ’em with a vintage cherry red, you probably don’t have the time to listen to podcasts. Too good to be true.
Then this happened:
A Bentley. A carefully crafted machine that, like the Miata, signifies status and deal closing abilities. This was his coworker’s car, and he was about to flex.
Should I drop the top on him? #viewsfrommiata
As if he wasn’t humiliating this poor guy enough by parking his hot little number next to the Bentley, he was actually contemplating dropping the top. Just dig the guy’s grave, why don’t ya?
A few days went by and I heard nothing from the guy. I considered reaching out to him, but the last thing I wanted to do was bother him. After all, what could I do or say that this guy doesn’t already know? Then this hit my DMs:
Took the summer intern to final lunch with top dropped & valet parked at Ruth’s Chris. He asked why I valet parked a Miata. Clearly learned nothing this summer and me him uber back to office.
Wow. Somebody doesn’t want a job after college. Pathetic, really. Another entitled little turd popping off to the wrong guy. I assumed that’s where our communication would end, but I was wrong.
I sat down this morning to write about this guy, and out of nowhere my unnecessarily large iPhone lit up. It was him.
Are you kidding me? It’s not enough he’s out there crushing dreams in the parking garage. Now he’s just parking wherever he damn well pleases? If you drive the most electric car in the company, where else would you park it? And yes, please take the fine.
Well done, man. If you haven’t already been promoted to SVP of whatever department you want, it’ll happen soon enough. Before you get too big, though, please Touch Base with us this week. We need to discuss a few things..