Accidentally referred to myself as an alcoholic instead of a workaholic in a phone interview. At least I told the truth. PGP.

HR absolutely did not appreciate me barging into mid-interview for interns and asking them “kill fuck marry.”

“Let me tie up a few loose ends and get back to you.”

“I’m not sure what your question is.” PGP.

The internet is super slow because everyone is streaming the Masters

Got a 2 out of 3 on my performance exam for attendance. I haven’t missed a day of work since 2014. PGP.

When I get home from work I use my work laptop to watch Hulu so I appear “online” after hours. PGPM.

“You surpassed your annual billable hours goal by 35%, so I gave you a performance rating of ‘Meets Expectations’.” PGP.

Girls didn’t look like that when I was in college. PGP

It kind of looks like the hot girl in the office got a boob job, but I can’t tell and there’s no one here I can confer with. PGP