I could be on that super-drug from “Lucy” and still wouldn’t be able to get all this shit done. PGP.

I have a client whose last name is Bond. Every time he calls me, I say “Good evening, Mr.Bond” in an evil villain voice. He must hate me. PGP.

Your mother-in-law wishing her daughter married someone else. PGP.

I actually enjoy reading. PGP.

My parents bought a bar. They still charge me for drinks. PGP.

How does one get into white collar crime? PGP.

The overly aggressive automatic flusher just sprayed shit all over my clothes. PGP.

I submitted a two-day vacation request while my boss was on a three-week vacation. The day he got back, he rejected my request. PGP.

Yesterday was my boss’s birthday and we ate at a Brazilian steakhouse on the company card. Today was my birthday and I ate a Wendy’s baconator alone in my car. PGP.

Watching a series of heist and crime movies causing you to seriously consider becoming a professional criminal. PGP.