Just swiped right because I saw granite counters and stainless steel. PGP.

Netflix autopay just overdrafted my checking account. PGP.

My company put me in charge of ordering new business cards for everyone. Say hello to your new Executive Vice President of Marketing Coordination. PGPM.

I literally did nothing at work today. Seriously, nothing. PGP.

All my friends are assholes, but I have no idea where you find new ones. PGP.

Making the wardrobe transformation from “business professional” to “homeless person” as soon as you get home. PGP.

Finally getting the automated rejection email for a job you applied for 18 months ago. PGP.

The insanely difficult 5:30 decision between hitting the gym or bottle. PGP.

Too old to have roommates. Too poor to live alone. PGP.

Yesterday was my boss’s birthday and we ate at a Brazilian steakhouse on the company card. Today was my birthday and I ate a Wendy’s baconator alone in my car. PGP.