“So no one told you life was gonna be this way. Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A. It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear. When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.” PGP.

“Please don’t talk to me. Please don’t talk to me. Please don’t talk to me.” PGP.

Calling your parents and admitting, “I DIDN’T LISTEN!” PGP.

Any time someone emails me with a question, it takes every ounce of my will power not to answer, “I have no fucking idea, dude.” PGP.

Scoping out attractive drivers on your morning commute. PGP.

I’m drunk in my LinkedIn picture. PGP.

I think the other burners on my stove are jealous of front-left. PGP.