“Have a safe 4th of July weekend!” Don’t tell me how to live my life. PGP.

FOMCC. Fear of making cold calls. PGP.

Working for a company that does not even recognize “Casual Fridays.” PGP.

Spending the rest of the afternoon cleaning out the speaker holes in my iPhone with a push pin. PGP.

Actually debating the merits between a booty call and getting sleep. PGP.

The “I’m not trying to bash teachers…” preface before laying into them for complaining about pay when they get two months and all major holidays off. PGP.

Drunkenly ironing a shirt in a hotel room. PGP.

Corporate shut down my office and gave me severance. I should be looking for a job, but I’m looking forward to an all-expenses-paid summer. PGP.

The amount of power I felt on Tinder when swiping left on a girl name Felicia and screaming “Bye Felicia!” was unreal. PGP.

Weddings have become the replacement for frat parties, but with more parental supervision. PGP.