My cubical mate thinks that speaker phone is the only way to use the phone. PGP.

My parents got me a $100 gift card to the local grocery store and I’ve never been more grateful in my life. PGP.

It was a tough decision, but I am now moving my official bed time from 11 to 10. PGP.

Spending money like Kevin McCallister. Making money like Uncle Frank. PGP.

My boss loves me. My manager hates me. PGP.

Making more money than I ever have in my life, still managing to be broke as fuck. PGP.

Someone in HR overheard me telling the interns an embellished sex story from college. Strike one. PGP.

There are two types of people in my office: people with hobbies and people with kids. I have neither. PGP.

I only check my 401k to remind myself that I actually have assets somewhere in this world. PGP.