Every time someone at work tells me a story, I want to just “honestly, I don’t give a fuck.”

I lost my favorite pen. In worse news, I have a favorite pen. PGP

My life goal is to be so successful that it hurts my ex girlfriends feelings. PGP

Get me the fuck out of here. PGP.

“at least it was good interview practice”. PGP.

Sort by Price: Low to High. PGP.

Starting to recognize the same cars every morning on your commute. PGP.

I just changed my Netflix password and got angry texts from three of my exes. HBO Go is next. PGPM.

Just gave my two weeks during my annual performance review. DOBBY IS A FREE ELF. PGP.

Fruit is fucking expensive. PGP.