1: “Did you see my email?”2: “Yeah… Looking at it right now…” PGP

I stole toilet paper from my work. PGP.

My manager is having a grad party for getting her masters. I didn’t get invited.

I don’t go to happy hour with my coworkers for fear of getting drunk and telling them how much I hate them

My life goal is to be so successful that it hurts my ex girlfriends feelings. PGP

“When I was your age, I was just like you.” PGP.

Finally got laid by using eharmonys free trial weekend. PGP.

Almost forgot I had to work today. PGP.

My co-workers still ask how my ex is doing. PGP.

I need coffee to poop in the morning now PGP