Got four fortune cookies with my order, because apparently I ordered enough food to feed a family of four. PGP.

The first place I wore my fitbit was a Waffle House. PGP.

Got a flu shot because the company paid me $20 for it. PGP.

I fucking love my Honda Accord. PGP.

Netflix autopay just overdrafted my checking account. PGP.

I test my desk at least once a day to see if I could actually flip it when I eventually rage quit this job. PGP.

My company put me in charge of ordering new business cards for everyone. Say hello to your new Executive Vice President of Marketing Coordination. PGPM.

There’s a security camera directly above my new desk. PGP.

Trying to open my house door with my work key. PGP.

Friend-zoning myself in record time. PGP.