I have literally zero control over how much I drink whenever I go out. PGP.

Talking about corporate the way I used to talk about Nationals in college. PGP.

Just gave my two weeks during my annual performance review. DOBBY IS A FREE ELF. PGP.

Mike Trout is 23 and won the AL MVP. I’m 23 and won a new mouse pad in our office raffle. PGP.

The flash of panic you get when settling into your favorite stall only to realize your phone is still on your desk. PGP.

Was just endorsed on LinkedIn for customer satisfaction by the girl I’ve been hooking up with. PGP.

I’m starting to wish I was as successful, hardworking, and great as my cover letters say I am. PGP.

Sitting in your cubicle, questioning why you didn’t get piss ass drunk on more random Tuesdays in college. PGP.

Looking for a friend with benefits. Vision is preferred, but dental is mandatory. PGP.

Never making it past a first date. PGP.