My condoms expired.

I eat lunch in my car just to be by myself for a few minutes. PGP.

“Man, this weather is crazy.” PGP.

“Thank you for scheduling your payment” Fuck off. PGP

Taking vacations scrolling through Google Earth. PGP

Using “Back in the day” to refer to something you did less than 6 months ago #PGP

When you wake up 3 minutes before your alarm will go off but you still try to fall back asleep anyway. PGP.

The guy that is dominating the office bracket challenge had no idea he was until I mentioned it to him today. PGP.

A coworker I haven’t even met just introduced himself to me and asked that I not park in his spot. PGP.