Boss just sat me down to discuss a new “distribution of responsibilities” in the office i.e. we’re giving you way more work but we will still pay you the same. PGP

Was asked why I don’t have kids yet today. PGP.

I’ve had the dad bod before dad bods were cool. PGP

Had Claritin-D and a Red Bull for breakfast this morning. PGP.

“Firing up” your computer in the morning. PGP

My desk computer loves running lengthy mandatory software updates exclusively on the days that I am currently running late.

5 of my Facebook friends are celebrating birthdays today, and I don’t care about any of them

We all just got laid off.

Having ambitions to make chicken parmesan for dinner, being so lazy I settle for a rotisserie chicken instead. PGP