Things Girls Do After Graduation: Wine Club

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Things Girls Do After Graduation: Wine Club

Todd’s palms were sweaty as he took the afternoon elevator up to their apartment. He wanted to ensure he didn’t look too anxious when he walked in the door for fear of her being vulnerable with (what he imagined to be) their potential child on the way.

As he stood in front of the door, he took a deep breath and cracked his neck before holding his key up to the lock and walking in.

“Hey!” she exclaimed from the couch where she sat with her laptop and a rerun of Gossip Girl on the television.

He forced a smile and approached her. “Hey babe,” he began. “How’s everything going?”

“Ohhh, fine,” she said, clearly distracted by whatever was on the screen.

Todd didn’t want to delay the inevitable, so he took the remote and turned off the television. He sat on the edge of the couch and grabbed her hand.

“Okay, what did you want to tell me?”

She looked at the television and looked back at him with her mouth open.

“Why would you turn that off?” she asked in an annoyed tone. “That was Chuck’s dad’s funeral. Have some respect, Todd.”

Confused, Todd apologized and turned the television back on before asking yet again what her news was. She looked at him somewhat puzzled and ran her day through her head trying to figure out what she was supposed to say. Suddenly, a lightbulb went off.

“Oh! I was, like, going to start an Etsy store or something but when I went to the craft store, the girl working the register was a complete bitch so I just left and was like, ‘Totally never coming here again’ and got sushi with Caroline instead.”

A wave of relief hit Todd as he fell into the couch cushion and smiled to himself. If a celebration would have been appropriate at the time, he would’ve had one. His moment of zen was interrupted by her asking, “What did you think I was going to tell you? That I was pregnant or something? Ew, Todd. Get real.”

She almost seemed a little annoyed that her afternoon was interrupted by Todd taking work off. She took her hand out of his and reverted back to her laptop.

“What’re you looking at on there?” Todd inquired.

“It’s Club W,” she said. “A wine club where, like, you pay $13 per bottle and apparently the wine is really nice. I saw one from a vineyard earlier that was on Somm on Netflix so it’s like, yeah, it’s legit.”

Todd looked into the kitchen before also looking at their bar, noticing several bottles of unopened red, white, and rosè.

“Do we really need more wine?” he asked.

Without looking at him, she kept her eyes fixated on the screen and responded, “No, Todd, these prices are too good to pass up. And besides, I’ve already taken the test to make my palate profile so I can’t go back at this point.”

She knew that she actually could go back at that point, but also knew that Todd wouldn’t dispute her saying otherwise.

“Like, this will totally get us back into wine tasting again, and we barely brought anything home from Napa.”

Todd rolled his eyes while watching her read about the wines on the screen. He wanted to bring up the fact that he had drunkenly signed up for one vineyard’s subscription service while they were there, but he was so happy about her not being pregnant that he didn’t want to ruin the day with an afternoon of bickering.

“Whatever,” he said while kicking his feet up onto the chaise lounge. “Just make sure there’s a full-bodied cab in that box for me and I’ll pitch in.” He grabbed the remote and brought the cable menu up where he saw the ’98 Rose Bowl was being replayed on the Big 10 Network. But just as he highlighted the game and was about to click to watch, he was interrupted.

“Seriously, Todd, what the fuck are you doing? Chuck’s dad DIED. Don’t you need to go back to work or something? You’re SO annoying today.”

Image via Shutterstock

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Editor at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram).

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