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A few months ago my best friend and I visited Chicago for the first time. We were from DC, so we thought this was our chance to be the annoying tourists who flock to all things overpriced. Our first stop was the world famous Willis Tower, a 100 and something story building that took like 9 separate elevators to get to the top. It was so high up, your ears popped and the sudden change in air pressure made you feel like you had just smoked a doozie. (I’ve never smoked a doozie before, but I’ve seen a lot of movies.) At the top of the building, jutting out over one of this nation’s most awesome cities is the Skydeck. The Skydeck is essentially a glass box that is structurally unbreakable where tourists are invited to take cheesy photos and pretend like they’re about to plummet a zillion feet onto concrete.
Well, structurally unbreakable…until it actually broke on Wednesday. Or at least, the “protective coating” around the glass shattered. Nay friends, one of the three layers of glass shattered, leaving only 2/3s the protection from the death of thousands of innocent tourists whose only crime was wanting to a get a spectacularly overpriced view of Chi-Town.
In order to cover their asses (or at least be stubborn and pray their insurance will cover their asses), they kept the Skydeck open because it was still unbreakable. When the Glass Crack Perpetrators attempted to videotape the chaos of staff rushing to fix the problem in hopes of becoming YouTube famous, they were immediately told to scram. I don’t blame them because they did promise it was unbreakable and evidence can be a bitch. Remember when those shipbuilders said the Titanic was unsinkable and then it sank? The live video footage of the boat going down as Jack and Rose banged in a steamy jeep was terrible PR.
However, the staff made a really smart move to improve the safety of their tourists and laid a carpet over the cracks. By deceiving tourists of the problem, the problem essentially went away.
I can’t wait to go back to Chicago and roll around on the Skydeck like the piece of shit showoff I am. Thanks to the new carpet patches, I’ll feel even more invincible and may even try a sweet little Irish jig to further show off both my heritage and intrepidness.