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Professional athletes live the life. They make millions, live in the spotlight, and get paid to do what they love. Many athletes marry and have a family, endorse some all-American family products and services, and set a good example for the young fans. There’s also a breed of professional athlete that sets an example, not always a good one, for the not so young fans. I’m talking about the guys that simply do not give a single fuck. Let’s look at some of the greats.
23. Jason Dufner
Dipping an entire log while on the course and rocking the ultimate dad bod, Dufner took over the tour by storm. He would be higher on my list if he hadn’t trimmed down his physique.
22. Luis Suarez
Dude just keeps biting people and plays for the best club in the world (fight me, Barcelona is the best).
21. Chris Cooley
The cool part of living in Northern Virginia is having Redskins as neighbors. This guy makes the list because he is an alcoholic that has been begging the Redskins to take him back while making pottery at his own pottery shop in the meantime.
20. James Harrison
Very vocal in his disapproval of Roger Goodell, Harrison continuously hits people as hard as he can on the field and rakes in the fines. I also loved when he called participation trophies bullshit, because they are. Participation trophies will ruin this country.
19. Charles Haley
I personally hate this guy, only because my dad has talked trash on him my entire life. My Pops and Charles were college teammates and they didn’t get along, but probably because my dad hates every single person on this list. Dude’s got a lot of rings though.
18. Mark Buehrle
Just read this.
17. Josh Beckett/John Lackey/Jon Lester
The Jo bros used to get shwasted in the Red Sox club house, order a bunch of fried chicken, and play video games, all while their team was actually playing.
16. Delonte West
He apparently banged his teammate’s mom. Lebron’s mom.
15. Pete Rose
An exceptional athlete on the field and a degenerate gambler off the field (and on it too, I guess). Lift the ban. That’s all I have to say about that.
14. Chad Johnson
He was a great receiver that had no problem running his mouth and celebrating. Then he changed his name to “Ochocinco” which isn’t even the correct way to say 85 in Spanish. Now he’s gained a strong Twitter following, calling people out and randomly showing up to ODU and giving college kids the business in FIFA.
13. Mario Balotelli
There’s a long list for this guy. He’s very vocal, and he burned his house down using fireworks.
12. Johnny Manziel
Love him or hate him, you have to respect him. This guy took college football over, won the Heisman as a freshman, and then got screwed in the draft when the Browns took him. Do you blame the guy for his drinking problem? He had to move to Cleveland. That place sucks. After getting cut by the Browns, he’s still doing Johnny Football things and partying almost every night. Hey Johnny, come to Denver bro.
11. Pablo Sandoval
This guy makes the list because he’s a fat ass with an almost $100 million contract with absolutely zero athleticism to back it up. After “Panda” landed his big contract, he had an awful season, and this year he’s even fatter than before. Just watch this.
10. Randy Moss
Straight cash, homie. If you haven’t seen the 30 for 30 on Rand University, it’s a must watch. Moss was a beast on the field and hilarious in the locker room. Favorite Moss moment? Mooning Packers fans while celebrating a touchdown.
9. Ron Artest
I don’t even know where to start with this guy. I refuse to call him by his new name Metta World Peace, because that’s just a stupid name. Popular for his superb defense and also punching a fan and getting suspended for a whole year, Artest is just an asshole.
8. Manny Ramirez
Hit bombs, got fat, got suspended for PEDs, and spiked his Red Sox teammate’s alcohol with Viagra. Just Manny being Manny.
7. Dennis Rodman
He was married to Carmen Electra, he’s had a million hair colors and piercings, he clashed with everyone on the court, and now he’s besties with the supreme dictator of North Korea. He’s done some pro wrestling, had an affair with Madonna, and done some acting. Oh, and he loves Trump.
6. Rob Gronkowski
Gronk’s reputation follows him. He’s great on the field, but an absolute animal off the field. Openly talking about his partying days at Arizona, stripping at bachelorette parties, breaking his arm partying, talking trash to anyone he wants, and having his own party cruise, Gronk does his thing. He may talk like he’s had 17 concussions, but the dude is a monster.
5. Marshawn Lynch
You know why I’m here. He gained popularity for beasting on the field, not speaking at press conferences and loving Skittles. Can one of y’all send me the gif of him dancing with cheerleaders at Cal? I love Marshawn and you should too. Watch this video:
This nigga Marshawn was a foo pic.twitter.com/nT1pOodDZy
— WORLD STAR FANS (@WORLDSTARC0MEDY) February 19, 2016
4. Shaquille O’Neal
Rap albums, bullying people on the court, acting, doing ridiculous endorsements, dancing all the time, breaking backboards, and just making everyone laugh. Shaq is an icon both because of his size and his personality. I could write an entire column for a lot of these guys, but I could write a book about Shaq.
3. Jaromir Jagr
Has a serious gambling problem, has donned some sweet mullets, and is still rocking the NHL at 43. One time a one night stand tried to blackmail him and he didn’t really seem to care. His favorite player is himself. And that mullet. I love that mullet.
2. Allen Iverson
Reining from the greatest state in the country (2 up 2 down), the king, the G.O.A.T., the legend. Practice? We talkin’ ‘bout practice? A.I. threw a big middle finger to the NBA multiple times. He is single-handedly the reason there is now an NBA dress code. He gave zeroes both on and off the court. He blew all his money on his squad, has been through his fair share of scandals, but keeps on doing his thing. Allen Iverson is a HOFer on the court and he’s also inducted into the IDGAF HOF.
1. John Daly
The leader of this group that paved the way for not caring. Whether he’s golfing drunk or ripping heaters on the links, John Daly set the standard. He doesn’t believe in working out, gambled away over $60 million, says drug testing is “a big joke” and has a killer wardrobe. The dude is a fat alcoholic that doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him. John Daly is our IDGAF King.
These guys were tough to rank, but the world is a better place because of them all. If I missed anyone, let me know in the comments.