The quarter-life crisis: just as bad as a mid-life crisis but no money to buy an awesome new car. PGP.

“Working” your ass off on the waiver wire all day in your fantasy league instead of doing any actual work. PGP.

Having a quarter life crisis every night. PGP.

Making people wait on hold for an extra 10 seconds is literally the only “power move” I have the power to make. PGP.

Developing fake friendships with people, like the guy who works at the parking security gate. PGP.

“That’s my baby” referring to a work project and not your offspring. PGP.

Being nervous for absolutely no reason. PGP.

Keeping track of your social life on a calendar. PGP.

Less restrictive internet filters sealing the deal on your cross-country relocation. PGP.

Actually having nightmares about fantasy football failure. PGP.

So many good ideas, so little followthrough. PGP.

Having prepared, bulletproof stories for why you were late/left early/took a long lunch. PGP.