Got my very own surge protector today. PGP.

Hawaiian shirt day at the office. Not even Steve can ruin this for me today. PGP.

At this point, I could consider myself a born again virgin. PGP.

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, assuming I die by Monday. PGP.

Drake’s perspective of not having any new friends is a lot different from mine. PGP.

I don’t always fart in my cubicle, but when I do, it’s right before my manager stops by. PGP.

Just bought a sick vacuum. PGP.

There’s been a tupperware of mac ‘n cheese in the break room fridge for at least a month now. PGP.

Considering a job with less pay but a much cooler title. PGP.

Finally typed up my two week notice. Realized I have no idea who it goes to in our company and no one will tell me. I literally cannot quit. PGP.

My dad guilt tripped me into flying home for Holidays. The tickets cost $800. Then he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. How about $800? PGP.

Finding out the real world doesn’t celebrate Columbus Day, the hard way. PGP.

You can tell a lot about a man from his shoes. Like how often he poops at work. PGP.

My little brother just graduated law school in the top five percent of his class. My dog got kicked out of obedience school. PGP.

25% battery by 2pm. PGP.

I’ve had more PGPs posted this month than I have sales. I’d say my priorities are straight. PGP.

Rewarding yourself for not drinking Monday and Tuesday by getting hammered before 6pm on a Wednesday. PGP.

Mom still thinks I drink too much. PGP.

Month-to-month leases. PGP.

Realizing that everyone has a Bachelor’s degree and your time and money spent in college made you average. PGP.