My parents probably have sex more often than I do. PGP.

I reuse paper plates. PGP.

Picking too many toppings at the build your own froyo place, and ending up with $12 worth of ice cream that you just let melt. PGP.

“No, Mom. I haven’t met anyone since I talked to you yesterday.” PGP.

Awkwardly silent elevator rides with coworkers. PGP.

The subtle but necessary man-grunt to inform newcomers that the bathroom stall is occupied. PGP.

That sense of complete despair for an entire week after your NFL or favorite college football team loses. PGP.

Being pathetically happy when you buy a new shirt or tie. PGP.

Waking up in a panic on Saturday morning because you think you’re late for work. PGP.

Being so hungover that you’re afraid to try to walk. PGP.

Fighting the urge to slap people who needlessly take the middle urinal at work. PGP.

Walking around the office holding a meaningless document to make it look like you’re busy. PGP.