Going into debt to go out on New Year’s. PGP.

Too old for college New Year’s parties, and too poor to afford the big city adult New Year’s parties. PGP.

Spent my entire day removing staples from documents, just to re-staple them after making a copy. PGP.

A ham sandwich gave me heartburn today. PGP.

Having the worst story in the post-vacation “What did you do for Christmas?” story exchange. PGP.

If one more person says, “See you next year!” as they leave the office, I’m going to lose my shit. PGP.

I would consider the guy at the deli one of my closest friends. PGP.

My 8-year-old cousin told me I had a “gobbler” and scratched below my chin during Christmas dinner. PGP.

Today is my first time working from home. I think I’m going to get fired. PGP.

Using Christmas money on a kickass vacuum cleaner. PGP.

A kid in middle school could do my job. PGP.

The best Christmas present I received was a briefcase for work. PGP.