I’m even on a dry-streak for Tinder matches. #PGP

Going from getting pretty girls drunk to drinking ugly girls pretty. PGP.

Seeing a cute girl at the gym and pretending to finish a set using the 90 lb free weights.

That one coworker that can’t walk by your desk without saying something. PGP

The first day back at work from vacation is more painful than running a marathon while giving birth.

Feigning plans when invited to happy hour because your budget’s already exhausted.

Getting your password wrong four times because you have the shakes from the weekend.

After my bossed finished his 5 minute discussion on equity carve-outs with me, he then reached his hand under the stall and asked to borrow some toilet paper. PGP.

Only filling your water bottle up 1/4 of the way so you can get up to get water more frequently. PGP.

The subtle “I wouldn’t go in there” look to a coworker as you’re walking out of the bathroom. PGP.

The guy two cubes over that answers his phone with “Domino’s Pizza”, and laughs hysterically like it’s the first time he said it.

I go to the office gym twice a day…because my secret poop place is in the men’s locker room. PGP.