Last Cinco de Mayo, I ripped Tecate bongs and tequila haircuts. Yesterday, I fell asleep on the couch halfway through an episode of “Louie.” PGP.

The last time I blacked out was on leg day. PGP.

Accidentally swiped left on the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. PGP.

Microwaving toast. PGP.

Getting shin splints from stop-and-go traffic. PGP.

Identifying with George Costanza. PGP.

1: “I have a case of the Mondays.” 2: “No, you have that every single day.” PGP.

A summer consisting of emails, phone calls and spreadsheets instead of beer, babes and beaches. PGP.

Let the thermostat wars begin. PGP.

1: “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.” 2: “Not here.” PGP.

Still being hungover from Saturday night at your Monday morning meeting. PGP.

Wedding reception koozies slowly replacing your college koozies. PGP.