Monday: one person in the office is sick. Wednesday: everyone in the office is sick. PGP.

Turn down for what? Turned down for a raise, that’s what. PGP.

Went from worrying about getting in trouble with the law to worrying about getting carpal tunnel syndrome. PGP.

When finding $8 in your dryer feels like winning the lottery. PGP.

My friend got engaged last night. I went home and sent weird messages on Tinder. PGP.

“Well, looks like someone had fun last night.” PGP.

My internet at home is better than my office’s internet. PGP.

Pre-gaming a concert with a nap. PGP.

Instinctively opening a new browser tab each time you hear someone walking your way. PGP.

Just got back from lunch, already hungry. PGP.

Changing girls as often as your underwear. TFM. Changing girls as often as your oil. PGP.

1: “It could definitely use another set of eyes.” 2: “I have poor vision.” PGP.