Making followup calls to emails you sent 5 minutes ago just to pass the time. PGP.

Wishing you were Zac Efron, but relating more to Seth Rogan. PGP.

There’s nothing like pouring off-brand syrup on off-brand Eggo waffles to remind you that your college degree was abso-fucking-lutely worth it. PGP.

Pretending to take a call when you rip a huge fart at your cube so no one comes over to talk to you. PGP.

Taking personal advantage of Fathers’ Day sales because you need them more than your old man. PGP.

“Show me the law where it says we can’t make interns do wall-sits.” PGP.

Flirting with the call center lady who is sending me a new credit card because she’s the only woman I’ve talked to all day. PGP.

An absolutely horrific day of golf is still better than a good day in the office. PGP.

Coughing and sneezing as loudly as possible in hopes that your boss will send you home for the day. PGP.

Your left arm being a little tanner than your right arm from spending so much time in the car during rush hour. PGP.

Ironically, my office communicator has said “Busy” all day. PGP.

1: “Hey, happy birthday, man.” 2: “Please don’t tell anyone.”