Watching “Elf” over MNF because that’s what the wife wants. PGP.

I wanted to turn out like Clark and Ellen, but I ended up like Todd and Margo. PGP.

These Cyber Monday deals aren’t that good. PGP.

I have more leftover booze than I have leftover food. So, this is how I die. PGP.

My Friendsgiving leftovers finally went bad. PGP.

‘Tis the season to lie to my family about how much I make. PGP.

Being too smart for Black Friday, but too poor to pass it up. PGP.

My mind’s telling me no, but my body…My body’s telling me “yeaaahhhh” to the pizza buffet that just opened up around the corner from the office. PGP.

We don’t have a Steve in my office. PGP.

Bought myself a new sheet set on Black Friday. PGP.

Wishing for a faster metabolism for your birthday. PGP.

Immediately going into “saving for a wedding” mode upon receiving a “What is your address?” text. PGP.

The per diem I was given for gas money ended up being 30 dollars short. PGP.

Already counting down the days ’til Christmas vacation. PGP.

Planning your weekend on Monday morning. PGP.

WHY AM I STILL HERE? PGP.

“I just got a call that my apartment is flooded” -Everyone in my office who just left early. PGP.

Never being caught up on emails. PGP.

One of these days, I’m going to scream “Shut the fuck up” out loud instead of in my head. PGP.

So under qualified I didn’t even get a rejection letter. PGP.