When did that fat roll get here? PGP.

The only text you get all day is from your FitBit telling you you’ve done zero minutes of physical activity today. PGP.

These people have been shitting for 40 years and still manage to smear the back of the seat. PGP.

My boss is a mix of incredibly attractive and completely unattainable. PGP.

I’ve been asked if I’m “having fun yet” three times today by the same person. PGP.

Having an emotionless face all the time, like Patrick Bateman. PGP.

Spending more money on food at the gas station than the grocery store. PGP.

FOMCC. Fear of making cold calls. PGP.

The circular reasoning of, “I don’t go out because I don’t have any friends,” and, “I don’t have any friends because I don’t go out.” PGP.

Going from fraternity secrets to office secrets. PGP.

Working for a company that does not even recognize “Casual Fridays.” PGP.

Spending the rest of the afternoon cleaning out the speaker holes in my iPhone with a push pin. PGP.